求英语爆笑文章,5分钟以内的文章越多越好一定要是英语的!不是中文的!

求英语爆笑文章,5分钟以内的文章越多越好一定要是英语的!不是中文的!
求英语爆笑文章,5分钟以内的文章
越多越好
一定要是英语的!不是中文的!

求英语爆笑文章,5分钟以内的文章越多越好一定要是英语的!不是中文的!
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad."Now,children," said she ,"has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please,teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done.Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please,teacher,I went to see her yesterday,and stayed with her three hours.Then I said to her,'Granny,I'm going home,' and she said,'Well,I'm glad'!"
一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想,在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性.“现在,孩子们,”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?”
“我,老师,”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过.”
“做得好,是谁呢?”
“我奶奶.”
“好孩子.现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的.”
“是这样的,老师.我昨天去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时.然后我跟她说：‘奶奶,我要回家了.’她说：‘啊,我很高兴!
3 Dick was seven years old,and his sister,Catherine,was five.One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour,and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen.She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,"Now here's a knife,Dick.Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister,but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked."How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick.He thought about this for a few seconds.Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half,Catherine.".
迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁.一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服.
孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房.她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说：“喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块.不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样.”
迪克问：“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”
他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的.”
迪克说了一声“噢”.他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说：“凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧.”
I work for 7up"!我可是在七喜公司工作呀
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies.The nurse comes up to the first man and says,"Congratulations,you got twins." The man said "How strange,I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says,"Congratulations,you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm,strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally,the nurse comes up to the third man and says
"Congratulations,you got twins x2." Man is happy and says,"Ironic,I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place,cursing God and banging his head on the wall.They asked him what's wrong and he answered,"What's wrong?I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"