求帮改雅思作文Schools should concentrate on subjects thatwill be useful to students’ future career. Subjects such as music and sportsare not useful. To what extent a/d.There has been a growing trend of peopledebating on schools’ curriculum

求帮改雅思作文Schools should concentrate on subjects thatwill be useful to students’ future career. Subjects such as music and sportsare not useful. To what extent a/d.There has been a growing trend of peopledebating on schools’ curriculum
求帮改雅思作文
Schools should concentrate on subjects thatwill be useful to students’ future career. Subjects such as music and sportsare not useful. To what extent a/d.
There has been a growing trend of peopledebating on schools’ curriculum setting, especially the case of subjects ofarts and sports. It has been a cause of concern whether these subjects are ofvast importance. As I see it, although academic subjects may be more useful tostudents’ career prospects, there is no denying that other subjects also play avital role in personal development.
The implications of subjects such as artsand sports are threefold. The first point is that arts enable students toenlarge knowledge and broaden horizon. For example, some works of art, such asmusic pieces and paintings, depict places of cultural significance where studentshave never been to. Art also sometimes provides a different perspective to viewthe world. It should also be noted that sports allow children to keep healthand boost physical quality. It is common knowledge that people accustomed tojogging or working out regularly are superior in respiratory system and bloodcirculation. These students with robust bodies are likely to perform better inacademic study. Besides, sports and arts are entertainment which can alleviatethe heavy burden in social life.
Although we have many reasons to believethese subjects are essential to students, it does not mean we can regard themas important as academic education. One problem arising from attending sportsclass is that it to some extent consumes vigor and distracts students from academicclasses. Excessive activities can lead to students finding it hard toconcentrate. It should also be recognized that sport stars and artists accountfor an extreme small proportion of the human race. It is pointless to spend toomuch time and energy on them. One should take his career prospects intoconsideration and acquire as much knowledge as possible.
In the light of the facts outlined above,subjects such as arts and sports serve a useful function in personaldevelopment, though one should keep a balance between study and entertainment.

求帮改雅思作文Schools should concentrate on subjects thatwill be useful to students’ future career. Subjects such as music and sportsare not useful. To what extent a/d.There has been a growing trend of peopledebating on schools’ curriculum
4.5-5分,首先分段不明确,要么顶字隔行,要么隔2空格,一般英式习惯是顶字隔行.
其次没有什么高级词汇,你用了好多个such as,不妨多用同意替换,句式不丰富,主从宾从定从很少,几乎没看到.
递进和逻辑关系也不是很明显.