求修改Personal Statement希望哪位英语较好的朋友能帮忙看一下 可能会比较多 我最终会加到200分的之前已经修改过一次 大的问题应该不会有多少 主要看看细节有什么不妥.To whom it may concern,I am a

求修改Personal Statement希望哪位英语较好的朋友能帮忙看一下 可能会比较多 我最终会加到200分的之前已经修改过一次 大的问题应该不会有多少 主要看看细节有什么不妥.To whom it may concern,I am a
求修改Personal Statement
希望哪位英语较好的朋友能帮忙看一下
可能会比较多 我最终会加到200分的
之前已经修改过一次 大的问题应该不会有多少 主要看看细节有什么不妥.
To whom it may concern,
I am a Chinese undergraduate from xxx University which is a member of the 211 Project of elite research-led institutions in China,my major is International Trade.After long deliberation,I set my mind on the program of Master in Accounting and Finance in your university.
During my academic years,I took courses in International Business,International Finance,Foundation of Accounting etc.Though the specialized studies,I had a profound understanding of the field knowledge.Meanwhile,the environment of my college is open and flexible,which significantly improved my analytical ability and problem solving skills.Also,I am good at English reading and writing and I passed the CET-4,which is a national college English test.
Apart from the academic study at university,I also did a lot of internship in the spare time.From June 2008 to December 2008 I worked for XXXX as an accountant intern.I’ve known the accountancy service well during this stage,which is very useful to my future study and work.
With the opening up of China’s financial industry,interacting among China and other countries become more frequently.As a Chinese student,I want to have deeper study in this area.Although,world is suffering the worst financial crisis in the century,but my enthusiasm for this field remained unabated.It is not only a subject with bright future,but also I have passion for it.Moreover,I think a comprehensive talent with both accounting and finance academic knowledge will more competitive in their future career.
In the year of 2002,I went to Australia as an exchange student at Billabong High School.It gave me a chance to understand Australian culture.I also see it as a big plus for my quick adaption to my further academic study in Australia.
Australia is a developed country with modern and international atmosphere.Your university has the latest and advanced academic knowledge,especially in my major.According to my capability and experiences,I am sure that I can handle the affairs of both my study and living there in your university.I truly hope you can give my application after your serious consideration.I will appreciate it greatly.Eagerly await your reply.
Yours sincerely.

求修改Personal Statement希望哪位英语较好的朋友能帮忙看一下 可能会比较多 我最终会加到200分的之前已经修改过一次 大的问题应该不会有多少 主要看看细节有什么不妥.To whom it may concern,I am a
写作内容自身的东西就不说了,但是给你提个醒：个人觉得这个PS写得不太有亮点,读完之后印象不深.
下面随便说几个比较碍眼的语法问题：
1.正文第一段第二行：my major is ...,这句前边跟第一句直接没有连词.
要么加and,要么另起一句,My大写.
2.第二段第二行：Through the specialized study.the去掉,看着难受.
(另外很找抽的跳出语法说一句,既然对专业知识的理解程度都可以用profound了,那干吗还去学研究生呢.)
3.第四段第一句：interacting我猜你是想做名词当主语吧,那样的话,按照你的句式,不如后头改成is becoming more frequent.要不然become加s也能说得过去.另外frequently是副词,不能当表语.
4.还是这一段,第三行：Although不能跟but连用,把后头的but删了吧,although后头的逗号也可以删了.
还有,应该是the world is suffering from the worst .（注意加了the 和from）
(再跳出语法说一句,你说the worst financial crisis in the century应该不太妥,毕竟21世纪才刚刚开始,后头怎么样不一定呢,你说对不?)
5.还是这一段,It is not only里头的it应该指的是金融学科,后面but also的主语也应该呈着这个主语说,而不能突然冒出一个but also I,句式错误.
6.这段最后一句：宾语从句里的主语应该是a talent吧,你自己好好看看,是不是be丢了?应该是will be more competitive吧?另外,前头既然是a talent,为什么后面是their future career呢,不觉得别扭?
7.最后一段：I truly hope you can give my application.这句话直译过来应该是：我恳切盼望您能给我一个申请.可以改成：I truly hope that you will give this application your favorable consideration.
其他值得斟酌的地方还有一些,比如有的地方语法能说通但就是看着别扭的地方.自己再好好审审吧,PS挺重要的.

To whom it may concern,
( To whomever it may...)
I am a Chinese undergraduate from xxx University which is a member of the 211 Project of elite research-led institutions in China,my major is...

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To whom it may concern,
( To whomever it may...)
I am a Chinese undergraduate from xxx University which is a member of the 211 Project of elite research-led institutions in China,my major is International Trade. (International Business)
(...in China, and my major is ...)
After long deliberation, I set my mind on the program of Master in Accounting and Finance in your university.
During my academic years, I took courses in International Business, International Finance, Foundation of Accounting etc. Though the specialized studies, I had a profound understanding of the field knowledge. (这个句子什么意思，如果though在这是表示"虽然"的话，把它改成in spite of，though后是跟从句的)
Meanwhile, the environment of my college is open and flexible, which significantly improved my analytical ability and problem solving skills. Also, I am good at English reading and writing and I passed the CET-4, which is a national college English test.
Apart from the academic study at university, I also did a lot of internship in the spare time. From June 2008 to December 2008 I worked for XXXX as an accountant intern. I’ve known the accountancy service well during this stage, which is very useful to my future study and work.
As a Chinese student, I want to have deeper study in this area.
（deeper 改为further更恰当；）
Although, world is suffering the worst financial crisis in the century, but my enthusiasm for this field remained unabated.
（although, but只能用其中一个）
It is not only a subject with bright future, but also I have passion for it.
(Not only is it a subject with bright future，改为倒装句效果更好）
Moreover, I think a comprehensive talent with both accounting and finance academic knowledge will more competitive in their future career.
（will be more competitive)
In the year of 2002, I went to Australia as an exchange student at Billabong High School. It gave me a chance to understand Australian culture. I also see it as a big plus for my quick adaption to my further academic study in Australia.
(In the year of 2002, ... at Billabong High School,which gave me...)
Australia is a developed country with modern and international atmosphere. Your university has the latest and advanced academic knowledge, especially in my major. According to my capability and experiences, I am sure that I can handle the affairs of both my study and living there in your university. I truly hope you can give my application after your serious consideration. I will appreciate it greatly. Eagerly await your reply.
Yours sincerely.
注意格式

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International Trade 你是指国际商务吗? 如果是的话应该是International Business
To whom it may concern,
I'm an undergraduate student in xxx University which is a member of the 211 project of elite research-led...

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International Trade 你是指国际商务吗? 如果是的话应该是International Business
To whom it may concern,
I'm an undergraduate student in xxx University which is a member of the 211 project of elite research-led institutions in China and major in International Business.I'm interested in Msc Accounting and Finance program in University of ***.
专业的名字要写的准确,这个专业准确来说是 Msc Accounting and Finance 就已经说明了是MASTER
I have studied International Business, International Finance, Foundation of Accounting etc.in my undergraduate period. Through the specialized courses study, I have widely understanding the knowledge on International Business feild.
我想你要表达的是通过专业课的学习吧? through 可不能写错呀
Meanwhile, the environment of my university is open and flexible, which significantly improve my acadamic reserch and analytical abilities, also problem solving skills are well developed. By the way, I am good at English reading and writing,futhermore i passed the CET-4, which is a national college English test.

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the only thing I can say about this ps, rewrite it. you stand no chance of getting into a decent school with this piece of writing. It's basically the replication of your resume (if you submitted one) and your transcript, plus a bunch of grammar mistakes. let alone it's totally chinglish.